


Look Around

by StrawbaerryJay



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Just heartbreak, There's no affair, instead of him cheating, she dies and i hate this so much why am i like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 02:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9103168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawbaerryJay/pseuds/StrawbaerryJay
Summary: Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler-Hamilton was the best of wives, best of women...





	

Their feet moved to the melody without a thought as to how their bodies were moving, without a thought to how they looked in the middle of the floor with one another. The thing about dancing is that it didn’t take a lot of thought to do when your body as accustomed to moving at a certain pace in certain movements. It became more of a muscle movement out of memory rather than a rational action. Alexander never understood how or why it happened like that or had he ever experienced the bliss of his mind shutting off in such a long time. Watching Aaron Burr with Theodosia had almost put him in a trance with how they moved so gracefully across the floor, shutting out the world around them with each beat in the melody. They let themselves disappear among the crowd, but they had no idea that they were the most engaging couple among the mass of bodies.

“Alexander.” He jumped a bit at the sound of his own name, smiling softly as his eyes were meet with George Washington. He held out his hand and the man took it in his strong grip.

“Sir. It’s a pleasure to see you. How is Mrs. Washington doing?” His boss smiled ever so slightly at the mentioning of his wife and Hamilton himself could help but remember at how he would do the same at the mentioning of Eliza. That love filled gaze broke his heart far more than it should have as the man spoke up in response to him.

“She’s doing wonderfully, she recently picked up knitting and crochet. Our entire house has turned into her workshop and there’s yarn everywhere right now.” He chuckled softly and Alexander laughed softly in response. “She drives me mad sometimes with her strange habits, but I can’t help but love her. Isn’t that how it usually works, Mr. Hamilton?”

Washington must have realized his mistake because soon his eyes lit up with remorse at his words and he opened his mouth to say something, but the words didn’t seem to come out. No one ever knew what to say to the man who held his wife’s hand as she took her last breath and Alexander never expected them to know what to say because there was nothing to say on the subject. Nothing they could say had the power to bring his beloved Eliza back to him. “Alexander- I’m sorry. It slipped out. I didn’t mean-”

“No worries. It happens far more often than you would imagine.” He gave the man the same polite smile as he did everyone who she was accidently brought up into conversation, but it didn’t seem to take the edge off of the man as he nodded.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I was just watching Aaron and Theodosia dance. It reminded me of how Eliza and I were on our wedding night… Even the first night we met, really.” He faced the couple again, looking at Aaron’s face as he looked at his wife with such love and admiration. He thought of how he use to look at Eliza that way when they danced. All those days and nights he had spent looking at her that way and not a single one of those looks would bring her back into his life. All he was left with was her memory and those looks stashed away in the back of his mind because he could never imagine looking at someone the way he looked at Eliza.

“Son…”

“I should go. I promised to meet Angelica soon. We were going to visit her grave tonight while the kids are with their grandfather.” His tone was colder than he had meant for it to be as he spoke to the man, bowing slightly as he made his leave, walking briskly to the door with a deep breath before calling out to the man as he left. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow morning.” 

The air outside with cold and brisk, making Alexander shiver as he made his way down the steps from the party, taking a deep breath to watch the smoke pour from around his mouth. It had been six months that day when it happened. She was walking home from the shops, having had planned to cook her family a special meal seeing as Alexander had been working almost continuously since he had gotten home. It was her surprise to him so he’d step away from his work for a moment and be a father to his son and a husband to her.

If only her had known that she was going, he would have offered to walk with her. If only he had known that the horse would venture off it course at full speed and ran right over her. His poor wife had taken major fractions to his spinal cord and ribs- something that she’d never be able to recover from if she had lived through the night. He blamed his own incompetence and failure as a provider for his family for his death. Now, his children would have to live without their mother and he had no idea how to fill that void in their lives.

“Alexander!” His head popped up and he looked around to spot Angelica, a small smile on his lips as he made his way to her. The past months had been hard on both of them without letting the either know verbally. Something about how they carried themselves around one another had changed and had grown rigid in some places while others seemed more lax as the walked next to one another to the cemetery in silence. They didn’t need to speak in order to know what the other was thinking during the walk because it was a guarantee that they were thinking about the same thing.  
If only I could have protected her better.  


“You know… That ball reminded me of the night we met and I introduced you two.” He tensed up a but, but Angelica continued on anyway despite his discomfort. “God, I remember the emotion in her eyes when she looked at you, Alexander. Not once in my life had I seen my sister so infatuated with a single person before… I broke my heart to lose her to someone like you.” She grew quiet for a moment before speaking again. “If only you had been rich… I would have went after you for sure that day and I certainly wouldn’t have gone out to make a meal. I wouldn’t have been in the wrong place at the wrong time-” Her voice cracked and Alexander turned to pull her into her arms as tears flooded into her eyes and down her face. “My Eliza would be alive and she would have found someone. We would still be a family and she would have hated me for taking you, but damn it!” She gripped his coat as sobs wracked through her. “She would be alive…”

“Angelica… There was no way for you to know that this would happen. There's no point in blaming yourself for something you couldn't prevent..."

"Then, please Alexander... Stop blaming yourself for what happened." He stopped rubbing her back for a moment before she spoke again. "We can't continue life like this. We can't keep blaming ourselves for what happened. Eliza would hate us for being so weak in a time like this. We need to step up and be strong for her."

Alexander loosened his grip on the woman, nodding a bit with his gaze pointed to the ground. "Yes... of course. Just, let's be weak for one more night. Let me morn my wife to m full ability just one last time and I'll put on a strong face tomorrow for the world to see." Angelica smiled softly, a sad glint in her eyes as she put a hand on his cheek.

"Tomorrow, we'll both be strong. I swear to you that much." He turned and held his arm out to escort her. The two walked with their arms intertwined the same way that they had when Angelica first introduced Alexander to his wife and he let himself remember that moment just for the time being. He let every detail of their relationship flood his memories as they walked, not letting himself forget any of those details for tonight. They kept him attached to Eliza in ways that could never be severed through death.

The walk through the cemetery was more gloom than the walk there, the two passed silently among the dead as if they were trying their best not to wake anyone from their slumber with loud footsteps and whispers. Eliza's grave sat on the hill, below an oak covered in moss. The sight was a cross between terrifying and calming at night, but the sight was breathtaking in the morning sun. 

They came to the grave and Angelica dropped on the ground by her sister's erect headstone, wrapping her arms around it as if to hug her sister as she wept silently. Alexander gave her space as he stood a short distance away, looking to the headstone. His vision blurred as he read over her name, his own last name placed behind her surname- upon Angelica's request. No matter whatever marriage, the would always be the Schuyler sisters and he had no place to interfere with that. "Look around, look around. Look at where you are, look at where you started... that fact that you're not here right now tears us apart." His voice cracked as he slid to his knees, leaning forward as silent sobs wracked through him like a hurricane. "Just wait up, my love. I'll see you one the other side..."


End file.
